Building Mental Strength: Let Them

Are you aware of the concept of "Let Them"? Mel Robbins did a fantastic interview with Oprah, and it was exactly what I needed to hear the other day.  Someone wasn’t showing up in the way that I wanted them to, and I was upset.  After listening to the podcast, I remembered that I was giving my power and control away.  As I grow, I find it increasingly important to embrace this idea of ‘Let Them’ in my life and relationships. It is so easy to have expectations of others, but just because we have expectations does not mean that others will meet them.  It is easy to take their behaviors personally and think their behavior has something to do with us.  Usually that is not the case, but our beliefs, skewed or not, impact our reactions and our realities.  When people don’t do or think what we want them to, it is easy to feel hurt, upset, and disempowered.  Don’t give others your power.  It is not your job to manage or control what other people do or say.  You can choose to be upset or hurt by them, or you can just let them.  

This realization took me a long time to accept. I used to endure a lot of negativity, fearing the loss of people in my life. However, I learned that if they truly cared, they would never treat me poorly. Actually, I kept allowing it.  It is crucial not to be so understanding and forgiving that you ignore repeated disrespect.  We can wait for others to change to suit our needs, or we can choose to see things differently and prioritize ourselves.  Life may not always work out the way we planned, but by prioritizing ourselves, it will be easier to see what is in our best interest and will give us the strength we need to do what is in our best interest.  

I can say that for me, things are working out better than I had ever imagined!  If someone had told me at the time, I wouldn't have believed them, but commitment to gratitude, focusing on what was working and watching when my thoughts were taking me out allowed me to create more joy that I could have imagined.  That doesn't mean that everyday is a piece of cake, but the dips are short lived, the rebounds are quick, and the lows are gentle detours guiding me to my highest good.

What does let themlook like?  Let them:

• Be upset.

• Judge you.

• Misunderstand you.

• Gossip about you.

• Ignore you.

• Blame you

• Feel "right."

• Doubt you.

• Dislike you.

• Remain silent towards you.

• Not meet your requests.

• Portray you as the villain.

Whatever others choose to say about you, let them! Step aside and allow them to express themselves, ignore you, avoid you... The painful truth is that they are aware of how their actions affect you, yet they proceed without concern. Are those the people you want in your life?  Those who love you care about your feelings.  Some people would rather lose you than face the reality of their actions. The lack of respect, apologies, care, accountability, and honesty serves as a gentle reminder of what you don’t want, and creates an opportunity for you to choose again. When you realize this, and see how their actions are negatively impacting you, it is easier to let them go.

Decide not to stay in situations where your thoughts and feelings are not considered. Let people go.  You can still be kind and even loving from a distance.  A distance that they have created through their behavior. Access to you is a privilege they have shown they cannot respect. Let them go.  You don’t need to share your side of the story; God knows the truth. Allow God to handle the situation. Let them go.

It has taken me time to reach this understanding, filled with sleepless nights, tears, and a spectrum of emotions—anger, disappointment, frustration, confusion, and deep hurt. I have engaged in self-reflection, self-preservation, deep prayer, and sought wisdom from those more knowledgeable than myself.  I have kept my thoughts on higher wisdom and surrounded myself with people whose intellect I could borrow when mine was faltering.

If you are facing similar struggles, know that you are not alone. We may never fully understand why hurt people hurt others, but many hurt people do not hurt others.  We can commit to personal growth and stay focused on who we want to be and how we want to present in the world. Healed individuals help to heal others.

So let them.

Do not allow them to take away your joy.
Do not let them dim your light.
Do not permit them to disturb your peace.

You have control over your own thoughts and emotions. Hold on tightly to what you can manage and let go of what you cannot.

Let them.