Then and Now
Growth and change go hand in hand, yet many think they are the same thing. They are different and they happen at different rates. Reflecting on my journey, I can confidently say that since 2022, I have undergone a pivotal transformation. I confronted and overcame numerous limiting beliefs surrounding my self-worth and confidence, started my life coaching journey, leaned in heavily to my accountability group, invested time, energy and money into myself, and was religious about my daily practice. Two years later, where am I at? Let’s take a look.
I have shifted my mindset from force and punishment to practice and ease. Instead of shoulding myself to death, and pushing to the point of fatigue or irritability, I ask myself what I need and give that to myself. For example, yesterday I had a lot of fatigue from a fun-filled yet busy weekend. Instead of forcing myself to go to the gym, and pushing myself to the point of possibly getting run down, I doubled down on self care. I met a friend at the gym for the sauna and hot tub, no workout required. It allowed me self care and to rejuvenate without guilt. That would have never happened in the past.
Engaging in spiritual practices has allowed me to perceive the world through a renewed lens. Long before people started talking about Let Them, I was practicing letting people be themselves and not letting their predictable behavior upset me or get the best of me. My long time yoga teacher referred to this as assessing the situation. I no longer give energy to ruminating over why people do what they do. I no longer ruminate over what I may have done wrong, or why they did what they did. Now I can choose the thoughts that serve me best, and let the rest go. I can tune into my feelings, breathe, ask myself when I had first felt like this, and then go back and support that version of me and give her what she needs.
And, checking in with my accountability group, when my thoughts are stronger than my intellect, allows me to get perspective and reminders of the thoughts and tools that I have at my disposal at any time. I recently had a situation where it would have been really easy for the old version of me to take very personally what someone had said. This version of me asked for a phone conversation, and when that didn’t happen, I was able to send an email stating my expectations, thanking them for the opportunity and then letting it go. I can’t explain how my lighter I felt, and not much energy I saved, versus the previous Traci that would have exhausted herself trying to figure out what she did wrong. I now communicate more mindfully and recognize feelings of anger or frustration as they arise. Where I once hesitated to seek help, I now confidently reach out to others for guidance. I have conquered my mind while allowing my heart to be open and loving. I am able to let go of my defenses and embrace vulnerability.
Each day, I strive for self-improvement. I have rewritten self-talk that creates what I want and deserve. I've started capturing life's small moments through journaling and reading my energy and the energy of others. Now, I listen to the signals my body sends me and have become more self-aware of who and what makes me feel good and energized, and avoid what depletes me. Recording my inner dialogues helps me identify areas for growth and improvement. I acknowledge that healing is an ongoing process, as we are all works in progress and perfection is unattainable. And, when I can’t see the progress I desire, my accountability group has a way of reflecting back at me the transformations that I may not be seeing as readily as them, as we are all our own worst critics.
There is more to this post, but for now, think about your Then and Now. One way that you can track your progress is to flip forward in your calendar 2 months, 6 months, or even a year from now and write a note to yourself with a reflective question or bullet journal note. When you get to that date on the calendar in real time, you can reflect back to see how far you would come.
A few years ago, I thought I would feel like there was an anvil on my chest for the rest of my life. I thought I would have to hustle and give up many of the ways I was accustomed to. And though that was true to a point, they were not the ways I had anticipated. I have let go of perfectionism, dropped the over achieving, and have stopped putting everyone else's needs and opinions ahead of my own. What I have gained is a peace, ease and a practice that sustains me. I have developed deeper connections than I ever imagined. Grace to accept the days and times when I am a hot mess, and an amazement at how far I have come, and an ease and joy that had eluded me for a long time is my new normal. Stay focused on what you want, keep moving in that direction. Do what you ought to do with no expectations or focus on the outcomes. When you do, you will change in the direction you desire. And by practicing the Then and Now technique, you will be able to see clearly just how far you’ve come.
