The Day I Chose Joy
Originally posted 3/20/2025
There was a time when I believed joy was something I'd find on the other side of success. I thought if I just worked harder, pushed more, and sacrificed enough, joy would naturally show up like a reward after a long battle. And that is how I approached school, getting my teaching position, and every degree and certification since. If I just worked hard enough, I would be rewarded. I was, and I wasn’t. I have had the blessing of touching many lives and winning several awards. And though letters from students, visits and accolades are nice, they are short lived. The stress I endured from pushing hard, the fatigue I felt from not sleeping and the lack of self care wore me down and burned me out.
I chased the highs... those fleeting moments of pleasure when I earned a degree, hosted an event, or when someone praised my efforts. But it never lasted. The moment passed, the pressure returned, and the joy? It was like sand slipping through my fingers.
Then came a day. One of those days. The kind where the weight of everything sat so heavy on my chest that breathing felt like effort. I remember sitting in my car after work, staring blankly at the dashboard, thinking, is this it? Is this what I'm working so hard for?
And then, like a whoosh from within, came a different thought: What if joy isn’t something I have to chase? What if it’s something I get to choose? So, I did something radical that day. I stopped obsessing over outcomes, stopped attaching my happiness to the next success or the next fleeting pleasure. I stopped at my favorite trail on the way home and went for a walk. And there it was! I soon felt the sun on my face, my heart rate accelerate, and joy like it was going to burst through my chest. It had been a long time since I felt that feeling.
After that, I started tuning into the small, steady things that actually lit me up. I connected more with friends. I went for walks in the woods. I sat in the window and felt the morning sunshine on my face. I stopped and listened to the sound of my kids laughing, I stopped class a few minutes early and just talked to the students about their lives. I intentionally connected with people who mean a lot to me and had meaningful conversations with them.
Joy wasn’t in the highs. It wasn’t in avoiding pain or discomfort either. It was in the present. It was in the moments where my heart felt full just because I was doing something I loved, not because I was doing anything or trying to achieve anything. And what did I notice? My heart felt more open, my energy cleaner and joy radiating from me.
And from that day on, I made a conscious decision: I choose joy. Not as a reward, not as a result, but as a daily, intentional choice. From my morning practice, to my indulgent mushroom coffee with Guernsey chocolate milk, to making sure that I play games with my kids, stop to hug and kiss them for no reason, box, hike, do yoga and connect with friends… I intentionally build these pleasures and joys into my life. And what I found is that many of the habits and practices that were stealing my joy dropped away, and I am left with more energy and more joy.
And if you are wondering, life didn’t suddenly get easier. Challenges still showed up, deadlines didn’t magically disappear, people still didn’t do what I prefer.
What changed, monumentally, was how I felt. It shifted entirely. When I focused on what genuinely brought me joy... connection, growth, peace, the hard days didn’t break me or deplete me in the same way. Just today, the power went out, and I overslept. My kid missed the bus, I had to drop him to school and knew I was going to be late. In the past, I would have lost the day, being upset. It was about 14 minutes from the time we woke to someone angrily pounding on the door to me dropping my son at school. In the past, I would have taken on responsibility for that person’s feelings and ruminated on them all day, or longer. Today, after only 14 minutes, I called my college roommate and shared something that I was so incredibly grateful for and got in a bonus chat with her on the drive to work!
Joy is always there, waiting. How can you find more of it? In what ways can you build more joy into your day? What really lights you up and energizes you? What is something you could add each day to make you feel better?
Joy is not found in the pursuit of pleasure or the avoidance of pain. It lives in the quiet, in the authentic, in the things that make your soul exhale and say, yes. This feels right. A warm cup of tea, a crisp breeze on your face, the smell of your favorite, indulgent shampoo, a soak in an epsom bath.
So, if you’ve been chasing, forcing, or hustling for joy, my advice is, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself: What actually brings me joy? Not pleasure. Not a distraction. But that deep, inner peace that makes life feel meaningful.
Then choose that. Be intentional. Every day. Even in the hard moments. Schedule it. Pencil it in or set reminders on your phone if you must. When you choose joy, life doesn’t just get better, it becomes something you can truly live. I am no longer surviving, and am doing so much better than I could have imagined, and I am so grateful for that.
