What is buffering and why do we do it?

Buffering refers to the act of using external distractions or behaviors to avoid facing and experiencing our emotions. It's a way of numbing ourselves to uncomfortable feelings, whether consciously or unconsciously. Many of us engage in buffering activities such as overeating, overdrinking, or over-Netflixing as a means to escape from emotions that may be too difficult or overwhelming to confront.  How do you buffer?

But why do we engage in buffering? What drives us to seek refuge in these external distractions? One reason is that feeling our emotions can be uncomfortable and challenging. Emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or loneliness can be intense and unsettling. It's natural to want to avoid these feelings and find ways to distract ourselves from them.

However, buffering comes with its own set of consequences. While it may provide temporary relief, it ultimately prevents us from truly addressing and processing our emotions. By avoiding our feelings, we miss out on valuable opportunities for self-reflection, personal growth, and meaningful connections with others.

Certified Coach Cam Nichols suggests that the opposite of buffering is embracing and feeling our emotions. Instead of running away from uncomfortable feelings, we should allow ourselves to fully experience them. This may seem daunting, but it opens up a whole new world of possibilities.

When we acknowledge and sit with our emotions, we become more self-aware and develop a deeper understanding of ourselves. We learn to accept and validate our feelings, which in turn helps us build resilience and emotional intelligence. By facing our emotions head-on, we can make conscious choices about how we want to respond to them, rather than being controlled by unconscious behaviors.  You can do this by noticing when you are feeling stressed, bored, fatigued, sad… Place your hands in your lap facing up toward the ceiling.  Notice what you are feeling and take a deep breath.  If you can, notice where in your body you feel tension and breath into the place.  If you can, label what you are feeling, then let it go with an exhale.

Feeling our feelings also enables us to connect with others on a deeper level. When we are open and vulnerable about our emotions, we create an environment that fosters genuine connections and empathy. We realize that we are not alone in our struggles, and we can offer support and understanding to those around us.  AND, we can also start to see how our thoughts can create many of these feelings that we are trying to avoid, so we can start to rewrite how we think about things.

So, instead of resorting to buffering, let's challenge ourselves to feel our feelings. Noticing how we buffer gives us the awareness that we need to change habits that limit us from living the life we desire.  It may be uncomfortable at first, but it has the potential to transform our lives in fresh and exciting ways. By embracing our emotions, we can cultivate greater self-awareness, personal growth, and meaningful connections with others.